Oh, no, nothing. It’s just – ” He sounded embarrassed. “Your lips are really goopy. And wet. Like a glazed ham.” Lex exhaled, relieved. True, her boyfriend had just compared her to a pork product, but it was a lot better than the alternative. “I know, it’s disgusting.

Momentarily forgetting how wind works, Lex tried spitting at him. This failed.

On crack. It was as if the town had been placed in a blender with a giant disco ball, shaken with a Mardi Gras parade, and then had vomited a pile of glitter and tinsel all over itself.

Driggs gave her a reproachful look, but she didn’t care. She threw herself backwards, did a little flip, then floated to the surface and gazed up at the star-filled sky. How was it possible that only a week ago she had been trapped in such a crappy little life? And now here she was, the happiest she had ever been, surrounded by people she liked and who miraculously liked her back, and possessing a crapload of talents she’d never even known she had.

I’m not scared of anything. But cats... ′ He blew out a puff of air and shook his head. “Those soulless eyes. That depraved indifference. Cats are evil, dude.

As everyone knows, the only population more catty than a pack of actual cats is a clique of teenage girls.

Should she go on? Or drop it? Maybe this was one of those things that people should keep to themselves, like a hatred of baby pandas or a passion for polka music. Everyone needs a secret or two.

Then it was suggested that, in honor of the people who were giving our company so much trouble, I stop by an Edible Arrangements store to buy a symbolic bouquet of “fruits with sticks up their asses.

Just because it’s the biggest secret in the history of the world doesn’t make it any less true.

But they were her parents! Putting up with all of her crap was their official job - they couldn't wriggle out of it! She tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. How could they do this to her?